 I think that most people, at some point in their lives, have had some sort of fear of flying. I know I always have. Maybe I watched one too many “bad flight” movies growing up, or I maybe let 9/11 set too much in my mind. Either way, you are NOT alone in your fear. I had this fear for years. I would even give up cool vacation destinations to get out of getting on a plane. But, it wasn’t until my husband showed interest in becoming a pilot, that I knew it was time to really buckle down and try very hard to get over this. I personally think that a majority of flying fears come from a basic fear of the unknown. Most people don’t fear driving a car, because they drive them every day, and feel confident in their driving abilities. But there are those that do fear driving, and may lack the confidence in how they, or other people drive. They may also have had an incident, or a close call incident, that triggered the fear inside. Let’s face it, most of us don’t understand planes and how they function. It’s this lack of understanding that can spark a fear inside many of us. The “fear of the unknown”, can dominate because we just don’t understand the mechanics, or realize how safe we actually are! Take, for an example, if a person drove an electric car all their life. That person may fear getting into a gas fueled car, because in their mind, the word “gas” can mean “explosion” right? The thought of driving around with “gas” surrounding them may trigger anxiety of the unknown. But the reality is, they just simply don’t understand that cars just don't explode, and without that knowledge, the mind can take off into that negative mindset. Another fear can be stemmed from the lack of control you have on the situation. Since you are a “passenger”, and don't know how to fly the plane, there is a feeling of helplessness. If something goes wrong, some people feel there is nothing they can do, and that can scare them. This type of fear is seen widely in those who have control issues. Still another possible trigger is the fear of heights. For some, to be up that high is just a scary place to be. (If this is you, just be sure you take an isle seat!) That said, there are some steps you can take that may help aide in this fear. As with any fear, you need to work on this slowly. Once your mind realizes that plane flights aren’t something to get so worked up about, the fears can lessen, and you can enjoy flying again, or, like with me, to at least tolerate them. I hope these can be helpful for you, since they helped drastically for me. So, for those who need some advice to just get on that plane, try this. Allow yourself the time to go to an airport, and just sit back and watch the planes take off and land. I did this at our local small engine airport, and it was very helpful for me. After a few days of watching them take off and land so much, it made the idea of planes themselves seem a bit less frightening. I took notice that there were so many planes coming and going, and everything seemed structured and safe. I took note that there was never an issue with any of the planes. I even started to smile and tell myself, "The people on board find flying fun and exciting. I can find this fun and exciting." It's the idea of trying to change a negative thought process into a positive one. The activity of watching the planes come and go without incident, will start to build up the feeling of TRUST in the pilots. Remember that they do this job day in and day out, without incident. And to actually have an incident is about 1 in 3 million! You are safer on a plane then you are in your car. So, when it's time to make flight arrangements, be sure to do your research on each airline, and each specific flight! Start by choosing a direct flight, if you can. There is nothing that can more create additional stress, than the thought of missing a connecting flight. There is also the factor of delays. Even though this can happen on any flight, even direct, you reduce this stress, by eliminating the second time you need to get on and off a plane, and long wait times in between. Another thing to consider is what the airline provides for entertainment. My anxiety has been greatly reduced on those airlines and flights that have in-flight entertainment. I personally like JetBlue, since every seat has their own personal TV on the seat in front of them, and on all flights! So, why is entertainment on a flight so important to me? It gives my mind something different to focus on, other than my fears. In addition, JetBlue has FREE movies. I always take advantage of this on every flight. Why? Typically, the flights I take are a couple of hours in length, so it is easy to get into a movie to take my mind off any negative thoughts. By the time the movie is over, the flight is pretty much over too, which lessens the time for anxiety to build. Also, watching a movie means that I won’t be bothered with commercials that can break the momentum of the story. (Plus, there are some pretty irritating commercials out there that can interfere with the focus.) I ALWAYS choose a comedy. Why? A comedy will make you smile, and/or laugh. As I have mentioned so many times before, smiling alone can change your mindset, as well as any negativity that may be resting in your mind. (See article: Laughter and Why It’s So Important) If you are unable to get on a flight with a TV, you can always listen to soothing music, watch a movie on your laptop or tablet, or bring your favorite book to read. The idea is to remain distracted and to keep busy, to keep your mind off the lingering thoughts. To add to your comfort, you can always sip on your favorite calming hot tea. I choose Chamomile tea for its anti-anxiety benefits. (I always bring my own teabags, and just ask for a cup of hot water.) Remember to also keep yourself stimulant free, so avoid any caffeine products like chocolate and coffee, and know that even though some tea will indicate “decaf”, there may still be some caffeine in there. For this reason, I stick with herbals.. (see article: Herbal Teas for Anxiety) If you are planning on snacking on something during your flight, I suggest something with tryptophan like turkey, milk, or a banana. These products have a natural relaxant in them, that can also aide in your comfort for the flight. (See article: 3 Best Nutrients for Managing Anxiety.) So, to recap:
Even though I only fly a couple times out of the year, the above has allowed me to be so much less anxious and fearful on flights I take today. I still go for the comedies, and try to take non-stop flights, when possible, but even if it doesn’t work out that way, at this point, I’m good with whatever I end up with. Taking steps, with confidence, can help you reduce the affects of your anxiety and fears. Some of my suggestions mean that you may drop a few extra dollars, so be sure to check the schedules way ahead of time, to try and get the best deals. Either way, I have learned over my years of traveling that sometimes to pay a bit more is WELL WORTH a calmer experience, and a happier me! Keep practicing your focus techniques! (See: 5 Quick Tips to Help Calm Stress and Anxiety). The more you practice these techniques, the easier your brain will be able to focus back to a positive, when negative thoughts come in. If you are in need of taking a flight soon, start to practice what works for you on a DAILY basis. It is a habit to take on negative thoughts when a stressful situation appears. In order to change that habit, you have to practice ways of staying positive during stressful situations. Remember, it's ok to be stressed when stress is near, but its all about how you handle it...how you react..that matters the most. Can you turn off the negative thoughts? Or will you sit with them and allow more to invade your mind, until you are completely overwhelmed? Keep practicing, and be well my friends.... With love and peace.. XO 
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 Let’s face it. Life can change on a dime. How will you react? How will you go on? Life changes can be anything from losing a job, to losing a family member. It could be a cancer diagnosis, divorce, the list goes on and on. There are times that we can “prepare” for such events…that is, when we know they are coming. But it’s the events that occur when we least expect it, that cause us the most turmoil. Especially, in times of drastic change, our thoughts can play a major factor in how we react. We can have healthy thoughts or destructive thoughts. We can accept what is happening to us and try to move forward, or we can choose to let the thoughts take over which can lead us down a darker path. So, what can we do to help keep us going?
Keep a Strong Connection with your Family and Friends.. It is never more important to connect with your family and friends than when times are tough. Since life changes can cause us much anxiety and depression, it becomes easy to separate ourselves from others, and internalize. If we do this for too long, we can become “stuck” in the moment of the change, and it can become harder to move on. What we have to realize is that life changes every day, and at every moment. T.S. Eliot states, “Every moment is a New Beginning”. This can’t be more true. Things will change, and things DO change. Knowing this alone is the first step to being more ok with YOU, when things take a turn. Give yourself the time to mourn the event, but then immediately connect with your friends or family. Like everything else in life, “This Shall Pass”… Allow yourself to smile, even laugh, since laughter is proven to be a strong anti-depressant agent. Get Out into Nature.. There is nothing more reveiling in life than to take a stroll along a lakeside, or a hike in the woods. When you get into nature, there is sense of belonging. Since we are all made from this Earth, there is something calming about allowing yourself to get connected to it. Leaves may fall in the Fall, but then they return beautifully in the Spring. Flowers will bloom, then they will die, but then bloom again in the following season, and sometimes even more drastically. It’s the way life works. We live, we experience, things change. We grow, we experience, things change again. Understanding this concept is another great way to helping us feel less alone. Get the Energy Out in a Healthy Manner.. Exercise is the best way for us to let go of those inner thoughts, feelings, and aggressions. Go for a bike ride, take a stroll, go for a run, take a class at the gym or yoga studio. These are just a few examples of things we can do. For those, who may have small children and can’t leave the house, you can clean, climb the stairs, scrub the floors, and cook. The idea is to find something you can do, physically, and that you can focus your attention on. Remember that the more you allow the mind to focus on the event, the more the thoughts can come into play. Allow Quiet Time to Meditate.. There is a difference between “being with your thoughts alone” and “meditating”. Be sure that you understand the difference. When you are alone with your thoughts, you can have the tendency to allow thoughts in, creating more thoughts, which could end up being hurtful. It is in these times that the mind can take over with the questions: “What am I going to do?”, or “How could this happen?”, or “How can I go on?” which can lead into anxiety. So, if the unfortunate event is a lost spouse, then the healthy way to use the question “What am I going to do?”, is to think about what you need to do in the sense of getting material things in order. THAT notion is different from the unhealthy way of creating mental instability by telling yourself “you can’t handle anything without that person.” You need to understand the difference. The truth is you CAN handle life, you just have to understand the changes that need to occur in order to do so. It’s not easy, especially at first, but as with everything else, it will get better over time. Have faith. So by meditating, I mean allowing yourself time for stillness while not letting any thoughts in. With meditation, it will become clear what is important to think about and what is not. Know that you can’t change the past. What you have is right now. The feelings that you allow yourself to have are YOUR choice. You can allow yourself a smile, or you can allow yourself a frown. Which will you choose? (for more on meditation, see itstartwithyouwellness.com) Remember that we can’t change the past. It’s over. We can’t worry about the future. It hasn’t happened yet, and things can change even before the future event, so why worry? What is important is the NOW. The present moment. Scan your body…what are you feeling now? Now bring a smile to your face. It was your choice to do that, and notice… It is our choices that make up who we are. We will have many experiences in our lives, but it is how we will react to them, and how we CHOOSE to react that make us who we are.. Be well my friends..XO   So, it has been said that our mind can create up to 60,000 thoughts in a day. It may be hard to believe, but thoughts come and go all day long. A lot of them just come and go since they aren’t important, but there are some that we pay more attention to. And it’s these attention grabbing thoughts that can create us joy.. or even sadness. We choose which thoughts we are going to give attention to. Think about that for a moment. We CHOOSE the thoughts we are going to pay attention to. To explain, let’s say we are driving, and we see a boy cross the road. A thought may enter your mind about the way he is dressed, and think “that boy is dressed sloppy”, but you let it go and continue driving, because as quickly the thought came in, it was more important to focus on the song that just came on the radio. But the car behind you may look at the boy and say, “that boy is dressed sloppy”, followed by the thought “why do kids dress so sloppy these days”, which can lead into “why does my nephew dress like that anyway”.. which can lead into “why is he such a deadbeat, and why can’t he just smarten up”. This can lead into a domino affect of thoughts that can create us stress, if we allow them to. I will say again.. IF WE ALLOW THEM TO. Two cars, same boy. One driver lets it go, while the other allows stress to build, because that person decided to give the thought attention. If you give a thought attention, the mind has been given permission to run with it. Think about how many times one thought turned into stress for you. The answer may be “too many to count”. And that is NOT a bad answer, because we ALL do it! You are NOT alone. So what can we do? Well, just by knowing this, we can give ourselves additional power against our thoughts! Just KNOWING thoughts can create more thoughts, allows us to be more conscious when we do our thinking. When we KNOW a certain thought or situation can cause us stress, we can put the brakes on right there and say to ourselves, “this can lead me into stress and anxiety, so I need to let this go!” Then purposely put a smile on your face and think of something funny someone said or put a positive thought in your mind. It’s always good to have a “positive thought bank”, as I like to call it. A bunch of thoughts you can redirect to, as you need. So, if a negative thought enters your mind, you can switch gears to the positive thought and Boom! You can free yourself from the domino affect. Now, this MAY take some time to learn and get used to, especially, if a particular type of thought, or a "trigger thought" has a hold on you. Remember that you gave that thought importance, so the mind had permission to run with it. I was very proud of my son the other day. We were watching “The Angry Birds Movie”, and there was a scene where Red Bird comes across a welcoming sign with an annoying looking bird on it. Red Bird stares at it for a while, then immediately gets angry and throws himself at the sign and rips it apart. So in Red Birds mind, the sign was mocking him and laughing at him. The longer he looked at the sign the more thoughts created anger inside him, which ultimately led to him ripping the sign apart. My son just looked at me, laughed and said, “All that could have been avoided if he just walked away”. Absolutely! If you attach yourself to a thought, in this case, a thought that said, “that sign is mocking you”, it can lead to more thoughts, which may not even be true, that can ultimately lead you into a reaction that you may regret. Remember, thoughts are ok, unless they give you stress, and can push you towards a negative reaction. If you start to get worked up about a particular thought, it may be time to back off, or detach from the thought, and think happy thoughts, so to speak. The more you know yourself and how your own thought process works, the easier it may be to help you alleviate your own stress and anxiety… Love and peace..  |
Michelle FalcoMichelle has a BS, E-RYT, YACEP, CHN, CLYL, and Y12SRL. Archives
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